Dearly Arranged

Helping someone who's grieving

You don't need perfect words. Say something short and kind, offer one real thing, and keep showing up after everyone else goes back to normal.

1Tell us a little

We don't save anything you type here.

Who are they to you?
Where are things right now?
How are you reaching them?
Was this a loss where words feel especially hard? (optional)

This changes the advice, not what we say about how they died. The message never mentions the cause.

2Offer something real

“Let me know if you need anything” puts the work on them. A specific offer is easy to say yes to.

A text you can send

Choose who they are to you and where things are, and a message will appear here.

3Keep showing up

The calls and casseroles stop after a few weeks, and that's often when it's hardest. Put a few check-ins on your calendar now.

Remind me
The first holidays

The first holidays without someone are often the hardest. Pick the ones that fit.

Add them to your calendar

iPhone or Mac Outlook or another calendar

Adding reminders sends their wording to your calendar. We don't keep a copy.

Good to know

What to say instead

These come from a good place, but they can land hard.

  • Instead of“Let me know if you need anything.”

    Try“I'm bringing dinner Thursday. I'll leave it at the door.”

  • Instead of“They're in a better place.” or “Everything happens for a reason.”

    Try“I'm so sorry. I'm here.”

  • Instead of“I know how you feel.”

    Try“I can't imagine what this is like. I'm here for whatever you need.”

  • Instead of“At least they lived a long life.”

    Try“Tell me about them, if you'd like. I'd love to hear.”

  • Instead of“How are you?”

    Try“How are you doing today?” It's easier to answer.

  • Instead of“Be strong.”

    Try“You don't have to be okay.”

Say the name of the person who died. Most people are glad to hear it, even if they cry.

At the visitation or funeral
  • Wear dark or muted clothes unless the family asks for something else.
  • Check the obituary. “In lieu of flowers” means the family would rather you give to a cause they chose.
  • In the receiving line, keep it short: “I'm so sorry. I worked with Rosa at the library.” Saying how you knew them helps.
  • Sign the guest book with how you knew them, too. Families read it later.
  • In a card, write one specific memory. It means more than any printed verse.

If they made a plan on Dearly Arranged

Ask them to send you the link. You can take tasks off their list, and they'll see who's handling what, without having to explain anything twice.